Kylainah Zacharczuk, considers herself a glass child, which is an informal term for someone who grows up alongside someone with a chronic condition.
“The book deals with all my past experiences having a special needs sibling until now,” explained Zacharczuk in conversation with The Sarnia Journal.
Zacharczuk chose her title, You Can Find Me in Her Shadow, to reflect how glass children often feel unseen.
“We are kind of in the background because we have to be. Our siblings depend on our parents 24/7 and we know that. And that is OK, and we want that for our sibling. I feel like my story is kind of the title: it’s basically like my turn. I'm standing in the shadow for her.”
Zacharczuk was seven years old when her sister was born. Now twenty-two, she recalls the difficulties of growing up alongside her differently abled sister.
“There is a lot of stuff that the sibling must navigate through. There's a lot of stressors. I have a lot of mental health struggles because of past experiences and I'm not sure my parents ever knew how I was feeling,” Zacharczuk told me over the phone.
She explained that her goal in writing You Can Find Me in Her Shadow was to connect with people who had similar experiences and to explain her account as someone who grew up alongside someone with a disability.
“I wanted to create a book that brings awareness to the special needs community and one that other siblings could relate to too. I found it hard to relate to everyone, because my life is so different.”
The book is about the difficulties and joys of sharing life with her special needs sister.
“Families who have special needs—you don't really know what life is going to look like. Our family is a unit. We are my sister's eyes and ears and her voice. So, I mean, honestly, my family is everything to me. If it wasn't for them, if it wasn't for my sister either, our life would not be the same.”
It all started when she was eighteen years old and in her last year of high school when she considered writing a book for school credit. As Zacharczuk began to write, she realized she didn’t feel ready to relive the memories required of her but returned to the idea a few years later through journaling, which developed into her now candid memoir.
She also explained that she searched for literature that reflected her situation but couldn’t find what she was looking for.
“They say if you can’t find it, create it yourself. And that’s exactly what I did.”
Zacharczuk recalls the process as something that fell out of her so naturally that it became her calling to do so. A process that took two years for her to write.
“I started writing to mothers who had children with special needs, and they were curious to know what it was like growing up as a sibling. My mother said that I wrote the book that she also searched for as a mother,” Zacharczuk tells me.
When asked what she wanted readers to get out of her book, she had this to say:
“I really hope that people start having empathy for others—I have a different outlook on life. I look at life through my sister's eyes. She's so kind—I feel like having special needs, you kind of have love for everyone in the same way. You don't judge everyone.”
Her overall message is one of empathy:
“Don't just think about yourself; put your feet in other people's shoes. Reach out to them and see if they want any help. And, if you have questions, ask them. Don't be afraid to ask them. And if you're staring, say hello and be kind.”
You Can Find Me in Her Shadow is available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at The Bookkeeper in Sarnia.